Sure, I’ll do your job, if it means I get your paycheck as well!

Today, I got not one, but two calls from the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys, asking me to do their jobs FOR them.

The first one was regarding a supposed outage reported six hours earlier, and which my team in The Matrix had heard nothing about, until this phone call. The Desk Monkey was insistent I give him the latest information on this outage, despite twice telling him neither I nor my team had any information on it, seeing as the first moment anyone of us even heard of the existence of this problem was that very phone call. I tried to give him the contact number for the site, but he wouldn’t have it. He wanted ME, despite being several states away from the local site, to contact them and get an update on it.

So I called the local CIO for the site, and he was just as surprised as I was. Nobody had contacted his or his team regarding the issue, which was six hours old, and was a legit issue actually involving patient care issues for a change. On a hunch, he dialed the number in question (the one the luser claimed wasn’t working) and he got right in with no problem from his personal cell. He had his people look into it, and sure enough all was OK. He and I were both in agreement as to why the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys would a) fail to contact us at The Matrix or anyone at his site until six hours into the issue b) wait six hours for a status update in the first place c) abjectly refuse to call him, and contact us instead to do their work FOR them.

The best part of this first one… while I was still on the phone with $CIO, one of my coworkers IM’d me saying the Desk Monkey who called me was upset that I hadn’t gotten back to them, despite the VERY diplomatically worded email, in which I very tactfully said the Desk Monkey not only failed to notify anyone of the existence of the problem, he refused to even contact the very site having the issue, or verify it was still an issue six hours after the problem was initially reported to him, a problem which, by the way, if he had bothered to call anyone at the site, would have told him it was fixed, and all was well.


The second one involved an eerily similar issue, but for a different site. Another Tier 1 Desk Monkey with a southern drawl so heavy, I could only just barely make out every third or fourth word, called and asked me for a status update on the telephones of a clinic, more than two hours after the last status update, in which this very same Desk Monkey sent out an email saying $localTelecom found an issue, but was being cagy on what that issue was exactly. He wanted us to contact the site, and ask for the latest info, if any, because they weren’t picking up their phones. So in other words, this second Desk Monkey wanted me to contact the local site FOR him, ask what the latest was, and go back to his group with this information, so they could disseminate it BACK to us, and give US an update on it… when the local site is refusing to pick up any and all phone calls, whether it be from the Desk Monkeys, us at the Matrix, or anywhere else for that matter.

And yet the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys wonder why we think they’re completely and utterly useless?