Please let the door hit your ass on the way out… repeatedly

Found out today that effective this week, the FNG is no longer employed by our department.

The final straw began a few weeks ago. The FNG, quite literally out of nowhere, sent an email to the entire department, as well as $divisionChief’s boss, and their boss above them. He accused the acting supervisor and another staffmember of making racist remarks, as well as levelling an accusation of $divisionChief calling him an immature asshole, and “berating” him over the phone. Considering who the FNG CC’d on the email, the boss’ boss of $divisionChief ordered an investigation.

Almost immediately, the FNG’s own “evidence” came back to haunt him. The IM chat log the FNG pasted into the email… well, let’s just say there was nothing even remotely close to anything racist in the chat whatsoever on the part of the acting supervisor, the FNG simply blurted out that because they disagreed with him on some article he had read, then they (read: everyone else in the department) were all a bunch of racists, and launched into a tirade about how he was the smartest person in the entire department, how everyone else was beneath him, that we weere all jealous of his genius, and he shouldn’t have to follow all these rules $divisionChief and others were making him follow. You know, rules like standardizing our email signature, making sure we’re logged in on time, answering the phones, replying to emails in a professional manner, those sorts of things.

Quite a few people were interviewed as part of the investigation, and they had a tsunami of evidence against the FNG over the last 5 years concerning his behavior and general inability to do his job, including multiple cases of gross insubordination, deliberately ignoring rules, conflict of interest when he advertised his personal business in his email signature, refusing to do or not even knowing the basic aspects of his job, even AFTER he was told how to do it, and in one case, nearly causing the death of a patient. There were literally 5 years of chat logs, emails, reports of contact, formal reprimands, and otherdocuments that the supervisor and $divisionChief presented, showing that the FNG was, at best, completely incompetent. I and others presented further emails and chat logs, showing the FNG had no clue how to do his job, and when we tried to steer him in the right direction, he would frequently become difficult, if not outright beliggerent, and that the 18 certifications weren’t worth a crumped pile of soiled toilet paper. In addition, those interviewed showed that whenever he was on-shift, he frequently caused several of us to do more work because not only would we try to correct him, we would have to frequently go behind him in a ticket or email, and make sure he actually did that was asked of him. More than a few times, he’d disappear for hours on end, and not a soul could get a hold of him via email, IM or on the phone. When one of us finally did, the FNG would seem annoyed, as if we had interrupted him, and work was a distraction to whatever it was he was doing.

There was also some evidence brought to light that the FNG may not have been entirely honest about his work experience and more specifically, his time in the military. When he was asked about his time in the military, he got cagy, saying he spent 4 years as a medical corpsman/field medic, but couldn’t give basic details on even the simplest procedures performed by one when another staffmember (also a field medic) asked him. Even when presented with a video from a few years ago, in which the FNG was interviewed and himself stated that he washed out of Basic Training due to a broken bone in his foot, he refused to acknowledge the video’s existence. One of the people interviewed also told the investigators that he had previously worked with the FNG at a local facility, and that the FNG was frequently argumentative with supervisors and coworkers alike, would artificially inflate his numbers to make it look like he was doing more work than anyone else, would make unauthorized changes to systems, which sometimes caused them to crash, then deny ever making those changes despite evidence showing what he did and when. In one case, the FNG was asked to tape a note to doors on a medical wing notifying people that they were due for a computer update soon. Instead of creating just a single ticket to log the time spent, he put in a high-priority ticket for every…. single…. door that he put the note on, stating that he took several hours on each ticket. When his boss confronted him about that and told him not to inflate his numbers like that, the FNG became upset because he was already on thin ice for not working on enough tickets, only cherrypicking the easy ones. Oh, and the FNG’s coworker said, flat out, that when the FNG finally transferred out, the entire department went out to celebrate, and were only too happy to be rid of him.

All told, the investigation took only a couple weeks, which is blindingly fast for a gov’t investigation, and he was told that Friday was his last official day with us.

Microsoft says i have 128000 malware and i should call them….,

Got  a message from one of my customers. He says his computer shut down and then gave him a message saying he has 128000 pieces of malware and he needs toc all Microsoft. Now this user instead of calling me went and paid for it despite my always telling him not to fall for these things. I of course called hm back and tld him to power down the pc in hopes it gets them out! Now he is calling his credit card company to report the fraud. Lesson #1 always call your computer guy first!  SMH

Obey Wheaton’s Law!

As some may recall, a few months back, I pulled the trigger on beginning my own IT cybersecurity company, and it started off rather slowly, despite my best efforts in advertising and word of mouth. In August, I was invited to join a business networking group in my area that met once a week for a breakfast meeting/conference and to pass along buisness, and which only allows one member per business field, meaning in a group comprising major lawyers/law firms, doctors, accountants, real estate agents, and several local and national banks, I was the sole IT person there. They were only too happy to have me aboard, and with very good reason from what I discovered soon enough.

Slowly, I began hearing horror stories that the previous IT company representative they had, who was the owner and head tech of the company… let’s just say he was a certified, Grade-A jackass. He overcharged the other members every chance he got, told them to get equipment that was either unnecessary, a horribly bad and overpriced mismatch for their business and then either refused to set it up or would set it up so badly, they’d be forced to call him back at extra $350 hourly expense, gave vague and contradictory advice, his schpeals every meeting were little more than “Look at me, rah rah rah” sessions with very vague info on what he actually did, and in one case, flat out told one of the other members in the chapter who’s the owner of a prominent accounting firm in the State, with customers covering a good chunk of the Western Hemisphere, and whose soda budget is bigger than half the member’s salaries combined, that he wouldn’t provde tech support for her company any more because her company was now too small for him. Needless to say, when the annual membership committee met, they gave this guy Das Boot, letting the other chapters in the state know not to bring this guy in.

In just the month I’ve been with them so far, they’ve referred some good business my way, and that’s just the beginning. I already have three more major referrals from them, two with the possibility of being $6k-7k each for cybersecurity pen tests, a third from the vice president of the state chapter to do his company’s annual PC cleanup, and yesterday, the lady who’s the head of $accountingFirm was so impresed that I got rid of all the bloatware the previous IT guy had put on her computer, making her computer usable again, she wants me to be her go-to IT guy from here on out and even asked me to do some reasearch for her on a new SAN/NAS system with a virtual AD server so she can store the 45+ years of digitized client files such that her employees are able to better access them, since the previous IT guy refused to take the job. And she told me yesterday as I was finishing up, that she would do everything in her power to steer more IT business my way, especially from some of her prominent clients that have businesses of their own, or who are in need of cybersecurity as well as some good old-fashioned tech support.

Just goes to show that obeying Wheaton’s Law has it’s perks.

Chicken Little

Chicken Little was one of my most despised types of co-worker: the type that figures they can take a job that depends on constant computer use, claim they’re “not good at that stuff” and get paid to sip coffee all day.  Because why should you learn anything new just to cash a paycheck, am I right?

Anyway, she got her name because everything was a crisis.  She didn’t recognize her new homepage?  A crisis.  Didn’t know how to use a Word template?  Total meltdown.  I cannot count the number of times she stood in my doorway, halfway between screaming and tears, saying “I just don’t know what to DO!”

Gee, maybe if you consistently don’t know what to do at work, that’s a sign you should maybe do something else?  Far away from me?

So, there were two printers in our part of the office.  The main, industrial printer, which everyone shared, and a small laser printer which was connected to Chicken Little’s PC.  This printer existed so that she could print confidential stuff without having to let it sit in a public printer, and allowed her to print onto specialty papers without fussing with the large paper trays.  It was not, however, SOLELY her printer, and a few people such as myself mapped to it as a backup.

Chicken Little, however, always had it in her head that this printer was hers and hers alone, and would print off batches of address labels, leaving the rest still in the tray.  This would mean if I printed a report, I’d walk to her desk (knowing full well she wasn’t there and therefore not using her printer) and find it had been printed on address labels.  This would not happen once or twice, but in fact became a pattern.  And when she would discover the wasted labels, she would act surprised.

It got to the point where I would hear her talking with her co-workers at the other end of the building, decide to use her printer, and as soon as she heard the paper churn through, she’d be literally RUNNING down the hall (dress and heels, no less) screaming “NO NO NO WAAAAIIITTTT!!!!”  as if she expected the printer to listen to her.  Who knows, maybe she did?  And without even getting up, I knew I needed to (again) go change the paper back because she’d left the good stuff in the paper tray.

It was maybe six months before it was decided that Chicken Little needed to find another henhouse.