Crime doesn’t pay minimum wage

So one of the places I work with is a school. And the other day the school was broken into, and they asked me to review the security tapes.

It appears that two jokers spent about an hour one night, and then maybe another hour a second night, drilling through the lock on a door. Once they got in, they grabbed an old projector and an older laptop.

So for probably two hours of work by two people out in the cold, the total takings were electronics with a probable street value of $40, for a net of $10 an hour each. Would have been more if they had got the power brick for the laptop maybe…

Working at Macca’s they’d be earning $12 an hour and the work would be easier.

Addendum: The janitor says that he thinks these two were casing the joint for possibly an hour a few nights before. So figure three hours, two people, possibly a few broken drill bits, for a gross return of maybe $7 an hour each. You’ll never get rich that way, kids.

Talk about a dull knife…

Today during my shift, I got a call from (of all people) the FNG.

He asked if tomorrow was a Federal Holiday. It took everything I had in me not to tell him to just look at a calendar, look it up online, turn on a TV to see all the President’s Day ads, or any of the (several hundred) indications that yes, tomorrow is in fact President’s Day, a Federal Holiday. Oh, and did I mention that our supervisor sent an email out to everyone last week, letting us know who would be covering the shifts tomorrow?

So why did you call us?

The other day I got, bar none, the funniest call I’ve gotten in a long time. Over the weekend, the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys installed a major upgrade of the ticketing system, something which took the entire weekend. There were a number of issues that occurred (too many to list) but after we were able to get into the ticketing system again, a Tier 1 Desk Monkey called to complain that he couldn’t log into $ticketingSystem. It took everything I had to stifle my laughter because not only do we have no access whatsoever to $ticketingSystem, but his team is the very team in charge of the upgrades and ensuring that everything was up and running. So, through stifled laughter, I had to tell him to contact the members of his own team to be able to get back in since there was little to no chance we could help him, as the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys made it abundantly clear in times past that they will, under no circumstances, give us admin rights to the server, nor would they allow us to add/edit/change accounts on there.

The irony, the desk monkey who called was one of the few “senior” techs who remained when their company was essentially purged when new management came in, so he should’ve known better than to call us.


The lightweight makes a game out of trying to trip up techs, salespeople, and any other peons who make their living trying to keep them happy.  This can get them reasonable satisfaction when they’re trying to return a sweater or shake down a crooked mechanic, but it falls flat when they try it on someone who knows what they’re talking about.

Case in point:  Remember back when Intel started branding its Pentium-M chipset as “Centrino”, and kicked off what eventually became the ‘light and thin’ trend for laptops?  Prior to that, a “portable” computer had a realistic range of about two hours from an electrical outlet, if you were lucky.

So, the lightweight asks me “So what’s this ‘Centrino’ thing?”, implying that I have no idea, even though I’m paid to answer questions exactly like that all day, every day.

“”Centrino’ is a standard that uses a mobile processor to achieve lighter weight and better battery life.”  Please note that it made sense to omit unnecessary details when answering questions like this.  This is not the answer I would have given a fellow tech.

“WHAT?  Gimme a break!  What’s the processor got to do with the battery life?”  He must have been restraining himself from adding “Gotcha!”

I subtly slow down my speech, until I’m talking at a pace usually reserved for talking to Big Bird.  “A lower-voltage processor uses less electricity.”


“Using less electricity, will use less battery power.”

“That makes sense, I guess…”

“Using less battery power, will generate less heat.”


“Generating less heat will require less fan power.”


“Using less fan power also consumes less electricity.”


“And using less electricity will ultimately make the battery last longer.”

“Please… stop…”