Yet another call I never put on the old site because it was in this nebulous area where I couldn’t reliably tell what was going on in the customer’s head. My headset beeped, and I was introduced to a lady having trouble with her cable modem. It was no different than the 600 other calls I’d taken on the exact same topic that week.
Pull up my tools, modem isn’t online. Hasn’t been for a while. She tells me the lights are indicating no connection. We do power cycles and check cables, no difference. I then tell her that it appears to be a line issue and we’ll schedule a visit.
“No no! I don’t want that! Can’t you do something from your end?”
“Ma’am, everything we’ve done here indicates the problem is with the line outside your home. If that’s the case, there’s nothing I can do on my computer here to help.”
“Wait, we need to select a time for the technician to visit.”
“I don’t care, just have them come as soon as possible.”
“Well, we need to select a time when you will be home.”
“Why? If the problem is outside the house, they don’t need to come in.”
“The issue may be outside the house, but they will need to enter the house in order to verify the repair was successful.”
“No, they can’t come in. They can do whatever they need to outside the house, but they can’t come in.”
“… Ma’am, once the signal is repaired, they will need to see the modem to test it.”
“No!!!! The modem is in my bedroom on the second floor, and it’s in my bedroom. NO ONE COMES INTO MY BEDROOM! NO ONE!”
“I understand your frustration, but if the technician is going to perform work, they need to know the work is successful.”
“Look… The cable is outside my window, on the second floor. I’m looking right at it and I can SEE that it’s damaged. You fix that, it’ll all be fine. YOU DON’T NEED TO COME INTO MY BEDROOM! NO ONE COMES INTO MY BEDROOM!”
“It’s helpful that you’re able to identify the damaged area, but that’s just another indication that I cannot fix this issue from here.”
“Well… I don’t want to go out on my roof. It’s really high up.”
“Please don’t. This is why we have technicians. They can take care of this.”
“NO! No one enters my bedroom, EVER! I’m just going to have to cancel my service then.”
“Okay. Before I transfer you to cancellations, please understand that we’re more than willing to repair your service, and if you switch to another provider, whoever sets up your new service will still have to enter your bedroom.”
“Ummm….wait, never mind. I’ll figure something out. *click*”
And with that, she was done. Now, I’ve run through this scenario in my head for years, trying to figure out what could terrify her so much about having a paid technician do a ten-minute check on her modem. The possibilities range from “I’m a rape survivor with serious personal space issues” to “I don’t want them to find my altar to Baal and my pile of sacrificial Grinch plushies that I use to pay homage to the King of the Potato People.” All I know is, no further notes were entered into the log, and yet some how, a week later, the modem was back online with a healthy signal. My guess is she paid out of pocket and risked life and limb to repair a cable connection that we would have repaired safely and for free, just so to prevent us from going into her bedroom.