What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate…

Earlier today, we were notified by the Tier 1 Desk Monkeys that one of the sites had a fire in their server room, taking out half the systems with it in the room. The other half went soon after when the afore-mentioned fire damage caused an electrical arc, blowing out the remaining systems. Less than two minutes later, another Tier 1 Desk Monkey called us to ask whether we were putting in an emergency notification.

About 15 minutes after I had put it in, I got a call from one of the Tier 1 Desk Monkey supervisors, asking me whether a ticket or emergency notification had been submitted. He could literally hear me facepalm, and asked what as wrong. I told him one of his underlings had called us 15 minutes earlier to notify us that a ticket had been put in, and that I had already put the notification in, putting his group on the email push for that. I didn’t think I could hear someone’s face turn red with embarrassment before, but I swear I could hear his face turning beet red. I also wondered to myself how on $deity’s green Earth these people can function when they seemingly don’t communicate with each other, especially for something as major as a whole site’s IT infrastructure going down due to fire.

The coup de grace to this, another Tier 1 Desk Monkey put in a separate emergency notification, then called us to inform us of it. When they were told by my coworker (who took their call) one was already in, they asked US to close the duplicate they had JUST created FOR them. My coworker asked why they couldn’t do so themselves when they had just created it, and their response was the classic “That’s not my job!”

And people wonder why I don’t want to be asked computer questions when I’m of work….

Coined a new acronym today…”KSTU”

This week, the Boss and a couple of the IT folks are out on leave, so I’ve needed to cover Remedy tickets that I’d normally not need to worry about.

As a result, Our Intrepid Cave Dweller took a ticket for “Keyboard not working.” I successfully called the user (a known “Frequent Flyer” regarding computer issues) to ensure desk presence, so I asked her if everything was plugged in, receiving an affirmative response. Since I know that this didn’t mean anything truly useful, I sauntered on up to that floor of the building and graced her with my presence.

On arrival, I asked the user to “Please demonstrate the issue” upon which she took her hands off the laptop keyboard and put keystrokes on the USB keyboard sitting on the keyboard tray under the desk edge, resulting in no characters.

Of course, it took only a couple seconds for me to inspect the situation and find the end of the keyboard’s USB cable sitting loose behind the docking station. My statements “Here’s your problem, the keyboard isn’t plugged in. That’s why I asked you if everything was plugged in, so I could prevent coming up here to do something inside the user scope. This service ticket was entirely unnecessary except for me explaining this to you.” was met with the response “But it’s /supposed/ to work! Look, there’s the wireless keyboard adapter and I plugged it in because the cord’s too short to reach where I want it to go.” This was accompanied by pointing at a miniature USB dongle sticking out the far side of the computer, plugged-in near another similar one that’s running her wireless mouse.

At this point, I merely shook my head, called the guy over who had provided her with the USB dongle that I’d freshly removed from the computer, and told him “Next time ask /why/ she wants something unusual, would you?” as I handed him the useless part.

Then I plugged the USB keyboard back in, tested that it worked, and told her “Just because you plug in a wireless keyboard adapter doesn’t mean it sprinkles Magic Technology Dust over your wired keyboard to make it work without plugging it in.”

On the way back to my desk, the back of my mind provided the new acronym “KSTU” which I expanded as I typed it into the ticket resolution notes:

“Keyboard Smarter Than User”

 

It never fails…

Even when I’m celebrating my birthday at the House of Mouse for several days, and despite telling them specifically not to call me for such things for the duration of the trip, I still get a phone call from my parents asking me for tech support.

$parents call and say the Intarwebz are down and asking what to do, whether they should ask the neighbors if theirs are down and if they even have the same ISP as us. I groan and tell them to power cycle the modem & router, but no, my dad won’t let me off the phone, despite being about to walk in to do a meet & greet. I tell him what to do, and about 10 minutes later, get a FB message saying the power cycle fixed everything. Oh yes, and no birthday messages on the Book of Faces, texts, etc., to just wish me a happy b-day from the parentals. Guess they misinterpreted the “don’t call me for free tech support while I’m on vacation away from doing tech support” request as “don’t call me for anything”.

Now bear in mind, this isn’t the first time (in more ways than one), I’ve been called whilst at Disney for tech support from the parentals, nor has it been the first time I’ve been called on my birthday for such things. The only reason I leave my phone on is because, quite frankly, the soul-crushing, psassive-aggressive guilt of “but what if it’s an emergency” “but what if someone’s dying” “but we just want to talk to you” and so on is far more of an irritation to me. That and the earful I get from the rants (note the plural form of the word) I’ve been on the receiving end, wherein my father goes on in excruciating detail about just how much he hates leaving voicemails for people is equally as irritating.

We know everything!!!

So I had a shop top Boss we will call Butters, and just like Butters was never quite sure what was going on but was always blamed for everything. Well one day I walked in to the shop and sat down, Butters walked in about a minute later grabbed some paper work and stated he was going to go see Super Boss. I sitting there at my Computer said “Don’t do it don’t go up there” He tells me to shut up that he knows what’s up. I respond “You’re going to regret going up to see Super boss” He walks out the door. 5 Minutes later the door opens and closes. Now my back is to the door but I can tell its Butters and he is just staring at me. I turn around and he says “How did you know Super Boss was pissed off I just got my ass handed to me” I looked at him and said in my most dead calm voice, “I am IT we know EVERYTHING” He kind of chuckles and mumbles then walks out. About 4 days later almost the same thing goes down but with Butters going to see a different department Boss. When he came back he again asked me how I knew. I just smiled and went back to work. A week later he came and asked if it was safe to go see Super boss and where he was. It was safe and I knew he was out on Deck. Butters looks at me skeptically but says ok. 10 Minutes later he comes back and asks “How in the hell do you do that” I just smiled and from that day on Butters listened to every word I said.

What Butters did not know was the first time I had been near Super Boss Office and heard him railing several people right before I went to the shop, The Second time I had just received a call from Other Department and they were all pissed off, and the Third time I knew the Super Boss was in a good mood due to a tech upgrade I provided and knew that the current evolutions going on required him to be “On Deck”

It’s the Law of Scotty “ Always look like a miracle Worker”

Marley Wanabe and Mrs. Nice.

So one day at DoD place a while back I encountered the Marley wanabe. Now MW was from Jamaica but decided there were better opportunities working for DoD and becoming a US Citizen. One day I see MW giving a fellow DoD person a lot of shit. We will call her Mrs. Nice. Now Mrs. Nice and I are of the same pay grade and MW is 3 below us. I see Mrs. Nice getting frustrated and upset at MW refusal to listen or do as she orders. (She was his supervisor) So I step up and ask Mrs. Nice if she wanted me to deal with the situation. She smiles and says that would be great thanks. Now I’m over 6 ft. tall and weigh in at a good 240 pound. MW is about 5 ft. tall and maybe weighed in at 160. I ask him what his issue was with Mrs. Nice, his response was “Well it’s my culture I don’t have to respect women” I point out he is in America and joined my DoD team and that we do. He replies with “Well you have to understand in my culture we don’t and that’s how I live”. I step up in front of him so he has to crane his neck back to look up at me and quietly say “Well I’m Scottish decent and we like to throw telephone poles at people for fun… would you like to step outside and discuss our respective cultures?” MW “No, no thank you ummm..” Me “are you going to give Mrs. Nice any more shit”. MW “No” Mrs. Nice he is all yours any issue let me know. Seems after that MW never talked crap again.

Somedays you don’t need to use the clue bat you just have to take it out a parade it around.